As I embrace my cup of coffee this morning, I try to relax. I listen to the dogs barking outside, the crow of our rooster, the tick of the big clock above our bed. I try to remember the excitement I felt when we moved here. The romance. The thrill of falling into a life of simplicity.
And yet...nothing is ever simple.
Construction continues in our building. First we must finish the new garage in order to clear out the old garage. ( not old really...we built it in the summer of 2013). Then the old garage will become our house. My brain calculates and focuses on a daily basis. Imagination goes wild trying to see my kitchen cabinets, the bath tub, the windows that aren't yet there. My heart rolls and turns and flops into some weird and mighty need to have this all done. To walk in and feel it. Touch it. Know it is finally time to stand back and adore it.
I love my husband, but his need for perfection is sometimes overwhelming. And my need to gaze out on the woods, watch the wild birds and laugh at the puppies seems to trump steadying the ladder, cutting insulation or finding that lost drill bit. This leads to friction. And slowly I realize that this entire house will be built from friction. Yikes!
It's hard to understand, I suppose. How this is a sort of limbo. An in-between life where I shamelessly wish away the days. Where I want to hurry up, hurry up....hurry up.
So, this morning, I try to breathe. Find my peace. Slow down, saddle up and go with the flow.
And I remind myself once again that nothing is ever simple.
Oh Rae, I so understand. I went thru that in our home in Aberdeen. It was difficult doing all the remodeling...and we remodeled every room in that 2 story, 3 bedroom house. It is hard because I could envision every finished project. And they never went as quickly as I assumed they would. I did loose track of the fact that my husband was 72 when we started this 2 year project. And he would tire far faster than I would. I had to have many talks with myself about having great patience with this wonderful man. The fact that he always did a fabulous job no matter what the project seemed to escape me to often. And of course now I look back on those years I realize how many projects we complete with just the two of us working almost every day from early morning till hubby wore out....usually by dinner time. So maybe you should post the date of this post on your calendar maybe about November (maybe before the first snow fall) and see just how much has been done in the great year of your new life in the beautiful woods. I am always amazed on just what we accomplished on our own. And I actually miss that house that we transformed with our own hands. And you get the privilege of living on you beautiful land with your cozy warm home. Don't beat yourself up Rae. We all want it to be easy and finished. I sense you home will be lovely and something you are going to be very proud of. Hugs to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you also, dear friend! Thanks for your kind words and great story...I'm learning to take one day at a time! I'll keep you posted on fb how we are progressing. I have a picture in my mind how it's all gonna work out, but you know how that is! Lol! Love ya
DeleteI always am drawn to your blog when either I am feeling blue, or....somehow see that you are blue....Any which way, I love to read your work as it comes directly from your heart and soul.....I had a somewhat same feeling when we left Portland and then went into the travel trailer thinking that we were gypsies and were out for adventure...but, sorely, life dealt us a blow....we left the trailer for a horrible apartment with horrid results....Then was my "limbo"...the hours ticked until we could get to where we are. Now, we are playing "catch up"...*sigh*....Not really being wealthy, we are limited and wish each day for new stuff, plants, furniture....but we will GET THERE SOME DAY, darn it~!! I feel all the wishes for your time to be full of completeness.....What you and your hubby have done is marvellous...You have worked so very hard....You are one strong woman, and a helluva writer!! Huggles and Insulation~!! =)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Margaret! I know you've had some challenges yourself, and my heat is warmed when I see the pics of your yard and deer and flowers...so beautiful! And I know you are so grateful and appreciative of all you gave. Gonna try to catch up with you soon and start reading your blogs...if I find the time. Thank you for your encouragement! Love ya
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